Woke up this morning content and happy. I’m at peace.
Galina Singer, December 24, 2022
For many years that’s been my most repeated wish: to be at peace.
As I savor this moment, I’m filled with gratitude and awe at my journey to get here.
A few years ago I was still trying so hard to “get there”: to get to enough, to get to some point B, to which no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t arrive… Some mythical place on top of an imaginary mountain, where I could finally relax and be happy… Some day.
Well, there is no mountain top.
Life keeps moving forward, relentlessly.
That moment to breathe, to relax, to savor life? It’s right here! It’s here right now and I am the one who is supposed to give it to myself.
Where I find myself now - that elusive state of peace - ended up being right here. At point A. I never had to get to any point B. All the effort to get there was misdirected. All the answers were right here, in the present moment. I had to slow down the running until I came to stillness.
I paused everything and dove within.
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This moment - grab it, feel it, take all the juice out of it, before it slips away into another moment, when anything can happen.
This morning I woke up peaceful and content.
I thought of my children - who are not here with me, contrary to how I used to think it “should” be. Instead of judging that or myself, I connected to deep love for them in my heart. I searched for some old pictures and found this one. I let my tears flow: tears of gratitude that at this moment each one of them is okay and healthy.
I kept thinking of the words with which I finished my first published article 6 years ago: “I let go and release them (my daughters) into this world full of chaos and magic. In them, I release tiny pieces of me and of all that came before me. They will learn their own lessons, but I hope that they will always carry with them the one and unshakeable truth: I love them exactly the way they are.”
This is how I’m trying to find peace these days: allowing life and precious people in it to be exactly as they are. Finding beauty in every moment, whether together or apart.
Because my love is mine. I just make sure it flows, unrestricted by circumstances.